John Smith wears flannelette every day, except for when he wears his favourite t-shirt: the official back-to-back Adelaide Crows premiership t-shirt, which only has three holes and two beer stains.
John’s transportable house is falling to pieces. When the wind finds a new hole, he sticky-tapes up another stolen roadworks sign. This patchwork of broken James Hardie Plank and “Slow Down: Road Works Ahead” is propped up on breeze-blocks. Underneath, rats scatter amongst cigarette packets.
John doesn’t do any gardening. He says he likes to leave the native grasses to themselves. A jungle of introduced species, (that is, weeds), covers the long since forgotten broken washing machines and lawn mowers.
To John, this zoo of rats, mice, snakes and spiders helps make him the most successful man in the world, because it’s exactly what he’s always dreamed of.
"Well, everyone says do what you love. Do nothing else." John said to me yesterday.
"I’ve only ever loved playing Playstation One. I always have. I’m not that good at it, but it’s the one thing I love."
John takes feel-good Facebook quotes literally.
"If success is to achieve the goals that only you can define," John beams, "Then I’ve been the world’s most successful person since me and my brother threw a rock through the Jones’ lounge room window, stealing their Playstation One and Crash Bandicoot."
John has been the most successful person in the world for 16 years. He is currently 32.